Beyond Obedience

People talk a lot about being "obedient" to God, doing what we feel He wants us to do, even when we don't feel like doing it. This is living up to a standard, keeping within a certain boundary, faithfully netting out small habits and flaws that would in some way go against the ten commandments. This morning I've been thinking about "obedience" in a new way. When our children are very small, they need to obey us in order to stay safe. They learn to stay away from busy streets, avoid touching hot things, and generally learn to stay out of danger. As they grow, we teach them obedience in the smaller things that help them get along better in--and give more to--the world. They learn manners, respect, faith, charity, and compassion. As they grow to adulthood, our expectations of their "obedience" fade away as we recognize that the lessons they needed (first to stay safe, and then to live a good life) are now internalized in them, part of their thinking, knowing, and living process.

Many people think of God as a judge, a great omnipotent being who see our every mistake, knows our every flaw, and plans--sometimes by bringing pain and hardship to us--to net out those unsavory characteristics so that we might be perfect one day like Him. I think of God as an all-loving Father, One who loves us with a perfect, endless, all-encompassing love that is beyond what we we can fathom. Our obedience to Him is not a prerequisite for His love; in fact, our obedience isn't for Him at all--it's for us. By listening to Him and faithfully applying what we hear, we learn what it feels like to walk with Him at the center of our hearts. This reduces our guilt (and the separation that comes as a result of it) and enables us to allow more of His love in. By obeying the sense and essence of His message, we gradually trust Him enough to allow His healing light to illumine all the hurting places inside us that so need it. By keeping within the parameters we are given (no other idols, love our neighbor, put God first), we stay safe and learn to live a good life in Him.

I believe there's another stage beyond obedience when much of the self-training is done and the lessons of Love are internalized in us. That's where we enter an adult partnership with God, sharing in His work, working side-by-side with Him, full of His spirit and sure of His love. We no longer need to focus on "obedience" because we understand. We know. We live immersed in His love. We can throw away that picture of God as a judge with a big shoe, waiting to squish us for saying or doing the wrong things. We are no longer children. We can stand up tall, look Him straight in the eye (whether we find that eye in a flower, a loved one, a piece of music, or even a storm), and tell Him that we love Him. Not because we're afraid of doing otherwise, but because we mean it.

Being Miserable

Yesterday was a tough day for my son Cameron. It was a night game and the lights beamed down on our team of 3rd and 4th graders (the "Mets"). Cameron stood on the pitcher's mound and took a few warm-up pitches to the coach. At 10, this is his first year in little league ball, and he was selected to be one of two pitchers early in the season. This is the first year they play team-pitch ball (meaning the kids pitch to each other instead of the coaches pitching) and Cameron has done a good job in the six or so games they've played in learning how to focus and get the ball to the catcher's mitt in such a way that he hears the great sound of the ump's call, "Strike!"

But some games you win, and some games you lose. And yesterday had the earmark of the unexpected. As the coach returned a ball, it went high and struck Cameron right in the mouth. The crowd went "Ooh!" and I fought my mom tendency to jump up from the bleachers and hurry out to the field to see whether he was all right. The coach hadn't seen the ball hit him, and Cameron stood out there on the mound, pushing his tongue against the inside of his mouth, resolving not to cry. He blinked hard a few times and kept his face as blank as granite. I zeroed in on his eyes, watching for signs that I needed to do something. He looked back and I mouthed the words, "Are you okay?" and he nodded.

But as strong and admirable as my son's stoic, "the-game-must-go-on" attitude was, after the first pitch, his focus began to deteriorate. Ball after ball he threw--inside, outside, high, low. Twice he struck the batters and they walked to first base. I watched Cameron go from a proud, in-control stance to my little, hurting boy--and how badly I wanted to go out there and comfort him! I called out some reassuring things from the bleachers--but not too much, because I've learned that moms' voices on the field can be a bit embarrassing for 10-year-olds. The inning was agony; I kept wishing the coach would just take him out and let the other pitcher finish the inning. But the coach left him in, and Cameron kept throwing; the other team moved ahead on the scoreboard; and eventually, we heard, "Strike three! You're out."

When the game was over, I watched anxiously for Cameron to emerge from the dugout. He came out, still with a bit of a swagger in his gait. But as soon as he saw me, his eyes filled with tears, and he pointed to the huge goose-egg bruise just below his bottom lip. His lip was swollen and the inside of his cheek was cut. "I didn't want to spit out the blood," he said. "That's gross." I hugged him and mussed his hair, kissing him quickly on top of the head. We headed home, mom and her weary warrior. On the way, he described all his aches and pains and spilled out the worst moments of the game. "Everything hurts," he said. "Anything that anybody could ever be to be miserable, I'm it."

At home, I fixed him ice cream while he took a shower. When I tucked him in, I said, "You know, you had a really tough game tonight and a few bad breaks. But you fought valiantly, and you stuck it out. You should be proud of yourself for that."

He lifted his head off his pillow and looked at me with a crooked, swollen-lip smile. "Hey, that gives me something good to dream about!" he said, and nestled happily under his covers, ready for well-earned sleep.

For Cameron, this is just one event in a lifetime of what will no doubt be many unexpected happenings. We get hit by balls and beset by bills; we find ourselves in situations we didn't ask for, and we face problems we didn't create. We don't always have a cheering section, and we sometimes have no clue what to do next. But we know we are loved by One who does know--One who walks with us, helps us to see the good in any situation, and gives us the strength to stick it out. And at the end of the day, those words, "Well done," will erase all memory of the bumps and bruises we get on our way back home to Him.

Quick Wisdom

In unpacking one of the many catch-all boxes that have successfully made the move to my new office, I discovered a journal of unusual quotations that I'd read (and forgotten) long ago. I liked rereading them so much that I decided to post them...so if you'd like to take a look, click this link: Discoveries. Have a good weekend! :) k

The Process of Partnership with God

This is what's in my head this morning. Someone close to me is going through a rough time. I've been through similar situations in my own life, more than once, and I have been praying for clarity on how I can best help now. As I was writing in my journal a little while ago, I found myself replaying my own experience and some very clear steps I took (and continue to take) with God came into focus. I thought I'd share them with you, too.

When I am faced with a difficult situation I don't know how to resolve, I follow these general steps:

• I pray, listen carefully, and do exactly what I receive in prayer--immediately. In the prayer, I ask God to reveal to me anything I am doing to cause the circumstance and tell Him that with His help, I'll face it honestly and allow Him to show me how to heal it. (invite God in)
  
• I take full responsibility for my situation and accept it as a learning. (face myself clearly without judgment)
  
• I weed out self-pity at all costs because self-pity tells me that I'm powerless and a victim of the situation, which isn't true. (recognize the power of change is within me)
  
• I make sure I'm willing to do the work--and I do it, even if I don't want to. When God reveals something in me that is unhealthy, I immediately begin to apply what I learn. This takes self-discipline (which I often need to pray for help with) and humility (because I am often surprised that I have so much to learn). Luckily, God provides more of both of these things when we ask. I've learned that if I don't apply what I learn, the situation will continue or come back in another form until I do. (apply what I learn)
  
• I try to stay thankful for the experience, no matter how dark it seems, because it is drawing me closer to God and revealing those places in me that have not yet been healed by His light...but they will be. (be thankful)
  
• I watch for even the smallest signs of change and growth--and claim and give thanks for each one as it appears. This keeps me moving forward--I can see that God is leading me out of the situation, bit by bit. (watch for the good)
  
• I diligently step forward into that new place and refuse to be dragged back by fear or doubt into the place I'd been before. (claim each step and move forward)

This process with God has worked many times for me in many different circumstances--through divorce, financial troubles, illness, and more. You may have a much different process, but in the end we can all be sure that God will bring good from our situations in many ways. At the very least, the situation will be healed, God will be at the center of our lives, and we will have been given an experience and a witness of faith that one day may help another person find the path out of a dark valley.

Small Things, Faithfully Done

My brother and I had an interesting conversation yesterday. We're both old enough now (in our 40s) to talk with some perspective about life. We discussed the path of growing more peaceful--the sowing and reaping metaphor--and thought about how much the small things, faithfully done, help shape our days this week, next week, and next year. When I think of the things I do faithfully each day--care for my family, study about and talk to God, write about what I discover in faith and in the technical realm--I realize that I can see pretty clearly what I'm investing my love in for the future. And it fits me. I like it.

What do you do faithfully, each day? Those activities are building your tomorrows--they are an investment of your love and energy. I hope--for you, for your family, and for us all--that it's something that brings you joy. :) k

The Truth Does Set Us Free

This week, Christ stepped into a conversation I was having with a client who was struggling with his business communications. He offers a good service and people are always pleased with the work he does (they get more than they expect), but he continually wrestles with how he communicates what he does. He was so knotted up about ths issue that he couldn't see the simple. And that's what I'm always drawn to. I asked, "What's the truth about what you do?" He succinctly told me what he does for people. I told him what was in my heart: If you know what you offer and you tell the truth about it, you don't have to work so hard at pithy messages and consistent approaches. If you know there's something true, something clear, something focused about what you do, share that. And if you don't yet have that clarity, pray, meditate, walk in the woods, listen until you know what's true about you and what you offer people.

I remembered a friend who once told a small lie that escalated into a big one. The small lie--about where he went and who he went with--became a huge cover-up that eventually spread into all areas of his life. He spent so much time and energy trying to keep his partner from finding out about the lie that he began to feel as though his whole life was a lie. Finally, when his partner stumbled across one small piece of the lie, the whole story came out and both people were hurt and reeling by what began as a silly little lie.

When we are truthful with ourselves and others, we don't have to carry around past conversations, coverup stories, false faces, and exaggerated histories. We don't have to worry about what others may one day find out about us. We don't have to live looking back over our shoulders. We can simply stand wherever we find ourselves, doing our best in each situation, and moving forward. In this way, the truth really does set us free. When we live with truth as our priority, we are free to connect authentically with each other and we can be more open to the presence of God in every moment and every exchange.

Blessings on your day! :) k

Looking for Why

The other morning as I was driving Cameron to school, I noticed the faces of people driving--the person in my rear view mirror, the lady waiting to turn as I went by, the people in the cars in the oncoming lane. I was struck by the seemingly vast differences of us all--our backgrounds, our families, our careers, our hopes, our struggles--and I thought of all the diversity within each individual life. An affluent person today might have been hungry as a child. And that same person might experience financial struggles in the years to come. Some are healthy; some are not. Some have loving homes; some do not. Some have overcome the hurts and hurdles holding them back from childhood; some have not...yet.

As I thought about the very great differences in our lives, I also was aware of our sameness. As Bonhoffer said, "We are all equally in need of salvation." Throughout our lives, somehow, perhaps even unknowingly, we will be drawn closer to our loving Lord. Our circumstances--financial, health, relationship, and emotional--may simply be doors inward to the place where eternity, and eternal blessing, live in us. Looking at it that way, does it really matter that some people have more money, some have better health, and some better relationships than others? If our outward circumstances are the door inward to God, we can be happy that we each have doors of opportunity that take us closer to Him, no matter what those doors might look like.

So often when something goes wrong in our lives, we begin to look for reasons...searching for the why. The thinking is that if we do everything right, if we play by all the rules, watch our health, eat right, listen to our consciences, and pray regularly, nothing "bad" will happen. And then when something *does* happen, we feel, as Henri Nouwen says, that we are "living under the curse, instead of knowing our blessedness." But Jesus already explained how this whole curse-blessing thing works in relation to circumstances. When he was asked whether the man's blindness was due to his or his parents' sin, Jesus said, "Neither. This occurred so that the glory of God might be known."

So when someone falls from grace--Martha Stewart's empire is dismantled, the preacher's affair is discovered, a friend is diagnosed with cancer, or we lose a job, do we believe that the circumstance is simply an opportunity for God to make himself known, to that person and to us through them? Or do we look at their (or our) lives and say, "Well, we should have seen it coming. Power corrupts. Stress saps the immune system, and corporate America is only interested in the bottomline." The choice of vision is ours. What are we looking for? That's what we'll find. As for me, I'm going to reserve judgment and keep my eyes open and my heart awake, waiting for God to appear in the open door.

Being Poured Out

I begin each morning by "leaning on God's windowsill" awhile, spending time in the breakfast room, watching the sunlight touch and awaken the houses on the other side of the lake. I read from my favorite devotional books, I write in my journal, I think and pray. Yesterday morning I felt such a yearning to be doing more, and doing it more directly, for God. As I was praying about it, a sudden, clear thought emerged in the middle of my outwardly bound words: "Who is this 'I'?" And I was instantly made aware that I was telling God what I wanted Him to do. I wanted Him to provide the outlet for me to write more about Him; I wanted Him to bring the channels and outlets for sharing with more people; I wanted Him to let me know--in an unmistakable way--that I was doing what He wanted me to do...

Katherine, who is this 'I'?

I quickly felt a ripple of embarrassment, and then I began to pray--instantly, unintentionally--the words and thoughts just poured out without my looking for or forming them. It was odd and wonderful. One by one, people sprang to my heart and I lifted them up and into the light of God. I felt led to pray for some people I didn't even know as well as those I did. I felt a great love for each person as I prayed. For Kristy, who needs clarity in her career; for Andrew, who needs healing in his marriage. I don't know these people, and yet they sprang to mind and I prayed for them with all my might and let the prayers fly to God. I know it may sound strange, but that's what happened. I decided not to question it and simply lift whoever God put on my heart up to Him to do what He knows is best.

Perhaps that was the answer to my prayer...perhaps God was using me the way He saw fit and letting me know in an unmistakable way that it came from Him. I'm not sure. But I do know that I felt, for a brief moment, what it was like to be poured out for others...to let the well-defined and protected 'I' go and let my spirit relax and float along in the love of God. I cannot tell you that I understand these moments; only that I felt very blessed and felt that God was very close. So many small and miraculous gifts He gives us each day! May yours sparkle brightly for you today and draw you closer to Him. :)

Being Willing to be Revealed

There's a line from Rumi that says something like, "Even if all our friends are sleeping, we have to allow ourselves to awaken and move. Movement brings us to a new place where new learnings can come..." I'm finding that this move to a new house has also created internal movement in me. New awarenesses. Things inside are bubbling up in this new environment that I'd forgotten I had--or would like to forget. Things like feeling sorry for myself when I'm overworked; wanting to run away when I feel misunderstood; allowing myself to simply react to situations around me and feel powerless instead of taking responsibility for myself and my choices and remembering that it's within my power to say No at any given moment.

But God and I have an understanding. I'm willing to let Him reveal all these bumps and wrinkles and self-absorbed tendencies in me, but I ask Him to heal them and take them away. Up and out--revealed and dissolved. That's the plan. That's my intention. And that's what's going on. Seeing myself in this light isn't flattering, but when I remember that God's light shines away the darkness, I know He can illumine all the shadows of fear that still hide in the corners of my belief system about myself, about Him, about the world. If I accept all these revelations as opportunities for the touch of His healing love, I'll move through them gracefully, learning and loving and letting them go.

Blessings to you in your revelations today, as well. May He help us to regard ourselves with kindness and love as we allow ourselves to become more and more like Him. :) k

View from the Pew

I have a friend who sits in a different pew at church every week. Through the years, I've seen her bounce around from place to place. One week, she'll sit with me in my traditional spot (third row from the back, as far to the left as I can get); the next week she might be way up front or over on the other side. She told me once that she intentionally sits in the places of people who choose the same spot week after week (although she's taken occupied my place). She feels she's doing them a favor, breaking them out of their familiar routine, forcing them to experience worship from a different perspective. I always thought that was a bit pushy--I mean, why bump someone out of their seat who enjoys that feeling of comfortable sameness?

But this week I think differently. Because now, on the other side of my move to the new house, I can see that I had gotten so comfortable in my old surroundings that it was very difficult for me to move to a different place. My seat was chosen. My life was set. I liked my spot and even though the place I was moving to was a great blessing and something worth doing, my flexibility muscle had atrophied to the point that moving beyond the familiar was a great struggle for me. I've always thought of myself as very flexible and easy-going, but after this past week I know I need to change the "very" to "somewhat." I'd like to build back up to "very" so that I can accept with a smile and full gratitude whatever God has for me, wherever He wants to put me, however He wants things to look. I know in my heart that I really *don't* need things a certain way, at a certain time, in a certain pew. God is with us everywhere, every time, in all things. There is nothing we can do and nowhere we can go that is outside the love of God. So why do I cling to the familiar when I've got a relationship with the Known? I think I'll sit on the other side of the aisle next Sunday and find out. :) k

Life and Life Again

I'm writing to you from a new house. Funny how unsettling it is to move from one familiar set of surroundings to new territory. When I was younger I didn't get nearly so attached to places...my work often caused me to move from place to place; I didn't have strong family ties, so location wasn't central to my thinking. But today, with three kids (and several others I've adopted as my own), two dogs, two cats, a home business, neighbors, a church, friends, clients (oh, and a turtle), moving is a much bigger deal. I'm dug in. I'm connected every which way. I'm at least partially defined by those I see and know and visit with--I'm at least partially affirmed by my accomplishments at work, my vision of achievement, my understanding of the expectations of those around me. How much I need a strong inner remembering of "God with me"! How much I rely on knowing that God is opening these doors and then I step through them, listening carefully...how much I count on God preparing the way and blessing our moments--and our future--with his love. When the change-stress grips me, I take a deep breath and say "Thank you," for where I am, what I'm doing, who I love, and those who love me. My outer circumstances have changed, but God hasn't. Thank you, God, for reminding me. :) k

A Personal Equation

This thought occurred to me this morning: I know God loves me. People, I'm not always so sure about. But if I believe there is that of God in everyone (and I do), doesn't it follow that there is the spirit of Love, for me, inside each person I meet? Of what (or whom) then shall I be afraid?

All the Best

When I was a little girl, I spent hours pouring over pebbles. It didn't matter where--on the playground, sitting beside a creek, in a driveway, or in the yard. I was always fascinated by the shape and color of the small stones I found. Much to my mom's dismay, I often had pockets half-full of dirty white or pink treasures. The smooth, white pearly stones were special to me, but the pink stones--which may have been a kind of rose quartz--were my favorites. They meant something really good; they meant I was lucky to find them; they somehow told me I was blessed.

I have no idea why, but this feeling and activity--watching for signs of blessing in the common world around me--has grown with me into adulthood. Today when I see a cardinal, I think "God loves you." When I see a rainbow in the sky--particularly those morning and evening rainbows that appear in high clouds on sunny days--I remember with gratitude the many blessings we're given each day, but that we often miss. When I hear certain strains of music, feel another's genuine concern, watch the miracle of forgiveness happen right before my eyes, I know God is very close. In the past, some people have said I'm looking too closely at things--studying those stones for blessings. But for some reason, that's the way I'm made, and that's what I tend to do, in my life, in my work, internally and externally.

This morning after I dropped Cameron off at school, I was driving home through traffic. It was a perfect spring morning--I noticed the beauty around me and felt peaceful within. Suddenly inside, I heard: "All the best you believed is true," and I had an image of myself, gathering those wonderful little pink stones. I understood this to mean that all the times I hoped coincidences in my life were God communicating with me, it was Him. All the little messages I interpreted during a day's time to mean God was reminding me He was with me were true. All the best I believed--of God, of myself, of others--is real, and right, and eternal.

I hope this makes sense to you, wherever you are in your faith walk and however your draw God close in your day. All the best you believe of Him--and of yourself--is true. Next time you see a cardinal, or a pink stone, remember that.

With love :) katherine

A Moment

I have just finished reading The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence. Amazing, amazing. And attainable. I'm convinced. :) Then I ran across this quote, which made everything sparkle:

I held a moment in my hand,
brilliant as a star,
fragile as a flower,
a shiny sliver out of one hour.
I dropped it carelessly.
O God! I knew not I held an opportunity.
--Hazel Lee

May we each enjoy many precious moments today spent whole-heartedly in the presence of God. :) k

And then...Joy

Yesterday was packed. I had a list of about 10 errands to run, one chapter to write, and one chapter to edit. Plus it was Cameron's first day of baseball practice for the season and we had to get Christopher ready for a four-day high school trip to Dayton, Ohio (meaning he needed to find all the clothes he wanted to take so I could make sure they were washed and ready). My approach to days like this, when work and life entwine so much, it usually very methodical and logical. I make a list, I set priorities, I make a plan, and I carry it out, step by step. But yesterday, because the errands were scattered all over town, I was trying to figure out the best route, the best way to approach all these things and get them done before baseball practice. Instead of my logic kicking in, I just felt frustrated. I couldn't make sense of it. For some reason, a clear route wasn't emerging. At one point, I thought, "This is silly. Why can't I figure this out? I do this all the time..." and I prayed about it and tried to leave it with God to solve.

By 2:00, the answer hadn't occurred to me. I looked at my list of things to do and tried to put them in a smart order. My frustration grew. The only thing I knew to do was the first step. I knew I needed to get something notarized for my daughter so I could Fedex it to her by the end of the day. That was my priority. That's all I knew. So I started there.

The people at the bank were very friendly--I didn't have to wait, everyone was pleasant. I felt my spirits pick up. Walking out to the car, I knew what I needed to do next. So I did it. After that was completed, I knew which task to work on next. So I did that. By the time I picked up the boys from school, most of the errands were done and a surprise by-product had appeared in my day: Joy. The boys and I laughed and talked. We stopped and had a fun dinner together. I got the rest of the errands done and Cameron delivered to baseball practice (a half-hour early, in fact; I had the time wrong) and the feeling of joy stayed with me through the night and I still feel it today.

Amazing how something I struggled with, something I tried to turn loose to God, came back step-by-step to bless me in such a wonderful way. I could see no answer but the next step, but I know now, sitting here, that when I stepped forward into what I knew to do, the next step presented itself. This is a good lesson for me, because I'm a map-maker, a planner...I like to have the experience sketched out before I jump in. But God has another way. And it mixes my own skills with his guidance; my listening with his speaking; my trusting with his leading; and my action with his direction. Thanks for the object lesson, God! And for a productive--and joyful--day. :) k

And then...Peace

It's been such a busy time (this is an old refrain for me), and life sometimes seems to accelerate without my realizing it. One day I wake up feeling overwhelmed, out of time, edgy, and put-upon. The boys need to go here and there. I have this meeting and that meeting. A passel of deadlines pop up around me like spring flowers. My head hurts.

And then I remember God. And relief washes through me, along with the thought that, even in the midst of a busy life, my relationship with him is growing. I'm seeing him and feeling him more and more in my day. I think I'm beginning to understand "presence." The love I feel for others is ever at the ready--even for grumpy drivers and out-of-sorts clerks--and I know it's God changing me, loving me, healing me from the inside out. Life is good, right now. Life's seeming acceleration can seem to bring me stress for a moment, until I realize and embrace what's really going on in my life. I'm getting closer to God. And that's what I truly want.

Enjoy your day! :) k

The Soothing Voice of Prayer

This afternoon I received a newsletter from India, written on behalf of a holy woman known as Amma, "the hugging saint," who spreads a motherly divine love to all she meets. This quote particularly touched me:

Today, voices in protest against the on-going war are rising all around the world. The voice of prayer should rise along with the voices of protest. May that chorus of voices of prayer soothe the hearts of all. May there be peace and contentment everywhere, in everyone, always.

Amen and amen. :) k

Endings and Beginnings

Today I'm posting the last prayer from Prayers for Peace. Thank you for allowing me to share these writings with you, and thank you to those of you have sent encouraging and uplifting notes in return. I so appreciate each of you and feel very strongly that our prayers and loving thoughts really make a difference. If you've missed any of the prayers in the last few days or want to revisit one, you'll find them as links on the Practical ~f a i t h~ web page. Please stop by or send the link to others as you feel so moved. I hope you're all doing well and keeping the faith and growing ever closer to our true source of Love. Please continue your prayers for peace and hold firmly to the vision of a peaceful world that God has planted in our hearts. :) Katherine

~ Prayer for Our Hearts ~

"He has ordained for you the faith which He enjoined on Noah, and which We have revealed to you; which We enjoined on Abraham, Moses, and Jesus, saying: 'Observe the Faith and do not divide yourselves into factions.' " --The Koran, 42:9

Father, you see the good, the loving, the kind, the giving in each of us. You alone see us as we are revealed in Spirit and know the true Oneness that we share with each other and with you. Bring us back, O Lord, to an awareness of our sameness. When we are tempted to see ourselves as separate, help us to calm our minds and listen to our hearts until we can hear the knowing voice of Spirit, saying “Do not be afraid.” Each day you draw us closer, and each day you teach us more. Let us remember we travel together on this road back to you. And show us how to remove our agreement—and thus our power—from the belief that we are separated by our faiths and philosophies. We are all your children, now and forever. Amen.

The world we see paints fearful pictures of war and conflict all around us. But, as we have heard so often, we choose the reality we see. And what we pay attention to grows. Is it possible for us to look for the signs of love beneath the violence? Are we able to see that of God in everyone—and focus on their Higher Selves—in spite of what they would show us on the surface? Let’s not let our differences define us, but instead choose to feel and know and understand where we are all the same. The peace that beats in a loving heart, a heart truly free of fear, would be enough to bring light to the entire world.

~ Prayer for Vigilance ~

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." --1 Corinthians 15:58

Oh Father, we're faint. Tired and spent, we are exhausted from carrying our own troubles, trying to solve our problems, spending our effort on tasks that seem fruitless. Take our burdens, dear Lord, that we may rest in You. Help us to remember that we alone are not enough for this task of peace, and enable us to turn to you and let you be the work that fuels us. Bring peace to our homes and our lands, dearest Father, and endow them with new life, new hope, and complete healing. Show us moment by moment how we can help you in that effort, dear Lord, but let us not forget that we cannot do this work in our own strength. We are coworkers with you in peace--not more, but never less. And one day we will all realize, in unison, that we are already joined together in peace and love in the center of Your heart. We will then know, truly, that All is Well.

There is so much to be done in the world today--so many people, so many needs, so many hurts. In our efforts to take care of our families, to work in service to others, to help further the thought and cause of peace, it is easy for us to get caught up in the doing and forget the most important thing: simply being in the presence of God. This is what makes a life blossom; this is what brings love where hate used to walk; this is what calms the fears that make people lash out and begin the cycle of violence that only love can heal. Our time alone with God eventually brings us inner peace, which radiates outward to our families, filling our homes, schools, places of worship, businesses, communities, nations, and ultimately, our world.

~ Prayer for Compassion ~

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
--Colossians 3:12-13

Lord, help us to remember that others don't always see the way we do, hear what we hear, feel what we feel, or understand things the way we've come to understand them. You give each of us gifts that are uniquely ours but so often we fail to value the gift in another, judging other gifts as wrong or somehow less important than our own. Give us the compassion you want us to have, O Father, and teach us to embrace each other with compassionate arms, no matter what our age, color, creed, history, or belief. Help us to remember that you are Life Itself, and that you are using every one of our unique gifts to bring us together with you once again.

How long has it been since we walked in someone else's shoes? Today, we can honor and respect those people we meet who come from different backgrounds, travel on different roads, choose different lifestyles, express themselves differently, or come from other parts of the world. We can look at them with eyes of love and know that our differences show the unique character of our individual gifts, but the life that animates us--the light at the center of our souls--comes from one source, the source we all share.

~ Prayer for Courage ~

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
--Joshua 1:9

How dark the horizon sometimes looks. How clearly we see the fence against the sky. Does it hold our bodies back? Yes. Does it contain our spirits? No, definitely no. Lord, one day, in your timing, all fences will be gone and we will move freely as your children, in peace throughout the earth. In your time, in your way, healing with come, and we will sing freely and rejoice with all those who live and breathe in you. Give us the courage, Father, to stay the course, to keep praying, to keep believing, to focus on the good you are bringing about as you heal our idea of separation with each other and with you.

Have you ever thought about the word "discourage"? To discourage someone is, literally, to take courage away from that person. Today we can recognize others who would, perhaps because of their own discouragement, discourage us in our hopes for peace, our vision of the future, our dedication to love. We can encourage them, and bless our surroundings and all those we encounter with showers of joy and peace. And we can ask for renewed courage, a new sense of heart, to do the small tasks we are given this day in the work for peace.

~ Prayer for Tenderness ~

“Dear friends, since God so loved us,
we also ought to love one another.”
—1 John 4:11

Father, in each moment is perfect peace. When we look within, we find no war. When we look within, we find no violence. When we breathe in your Spirit and picture a world in which your people are safe and loved, delivered from the fears and struggle we each carry, we are filled with tenderness for each other and for you. Make our hearts tender to the needs of those around us—those in reach of our touch and in reach of our prayers. Blanket your hurting world, Father, this frightened, hurting world that knows not its own goodness—and whisper to each of us the realities of your love.

Finding compassion and forgiveness for those who love us is a fairly simple task—it’s something we do every day in families all over the world. But finding tenderness in our hearts for those who have wronged us, who dislike us, or who are at war with us—that’s a different matter. That type of tenderness comes only from God. Today, we can ask him to fill our hearts with love for those who need it most, not only for those who are able to give it back to us. As A Course in Miracles says, “There is only love and the cry for it.” Today we can feel compassion for those who hurt us, knowing they are driven by their own pain.

~ Prayer for Patience ~

“Let us not become weary in doing good,
for at the proper time we will reap a harvest
if we do not give up.”
—Galatians 6:9

Our most gracious and attentive Lord, help us to remember that you move in your time, knowing as only you know the perfect time and the perfect way to answer our prayers. The flower begins at seed—a seed we neither see nor understand. And gradually the seed sprouts, still deep within the damp earth, hidden from our vision. We may be tempted to believe it is not growing, and yet if we dig it up to calm our doubts, we will damage it and stunt its full blossom. Help us to be ever mindful, dear Father, that you have planted the seeds of peace for your children. Help us to continue to walk with you and know you more, growing ever stronger in our faith that what you have promised you will do, even when we do not yet have the physical evidence we seek.

How hard it is to wait after we’re prayed a particularly earnest prayer! How long is a minute to God? Sometime today, we can choose to sit quietly for 10 minutes and simply wait on the Lord. We can sit in stillness, available to God, not thinking, praying, or reading. Just waiting on the Lord can be a wonderful, restful, and rejuvenating experience. We may even find that getting what we prayed for becomes less important than spending this quiet time with God.

~ Prayer for Families ~

“All your sons will be taught by the Lord,
and great will be your children’s peace.”
—Isaiah 54:13

How many babies are sleeping in the world right now, O Lord? How many children rest fitfully, awaking to sirens in the streets or the sound of gunfire beneath their windows? How many mothers look sadly at their sons, young and strong and passionate, and feel dread of the future in their hearts? Restore your world, my Lord. Restore your people. We know you are the champion of the widow, a friend to the fatherless. Your children have been in this wilderness so long, Father. Give us the vision and the resolve to look for the day when children sleep peacefully and young men and women plan for productive futures. We celebrate knowing that you are rebuilding and restoring your land, even now when things look so dark to the human eye. We rest on your promise of peace, dear Father, and ask that you help us to do what we can to hasten the day of peace. And if it is our job to wait prayerfully on your timing, we ask you to give us the grace and courage we need to do what you want us to do.

Sometimes it is easy for us to confuse love and worry. As parents, we are never far in thought—or in our hearts—from our children. We carry our concerns with us, worrying about their health, their education, their safety, and their happiness. But a life in faith reminds us that God has no grandchildren; our children are not “ours” but God’s children, along with us. We are all perfectly loved by Love Himself.

We can trust that God has us all—mother, father, children, grandchildren, and all the children of the world—in his hand. He cares for each of us tenderly and completely—not one hair on any of our heads is harmed without him knowing. Life in faith allows us to release our worry for our children and replace it with trust in an all-loving Lord. Today we can try to remember that none of us—adult or children—is ever beyond God’s reach. There will not be a single moment today when we are outside the love of God.

~ Prayer for Healing ~

“Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
—Psalm 42:11

Precious Lord, we know that help is on the way. We know that you are even now answering our cry to you, “Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts.” Look for those places within us that need your healing touch, dear Lord, and give us the courage and resolve to let you work within us for our own healing. Only then can we be used as instruments in the healing of those around us—in our homes, our schools, our places of worship, our businesses, our cities, our nations, and our world. We ask, believing you hear and answer all prayer. Thank you, Father. Amen.

Do we notice the healing God does daily in our lives? We often miss the most obvious and simple things—thanking God for colds that go away, for fevers that break, for cuts that heal. We overlook opportunities to thank God when tempers are calmed, when families reunite, when governments talk peace. Sometimes our fears get in the way and keep us from believing in and receiving the gift of healing. Science may bring us tools to help facilitate healing, but life itself—and the healing of that life—comes from God. Today, we can fully accept our own healing and give the thanks to him.

~ Prayer of Praise ~

“Clap your hands, all you nations;
shout to God with cries of joy.
How awesome is the Lord Most High,
the great King over all the earth!”
—Psalm 47:1-4

Oh our most wonderful, omnipotent Lord, how often we forget that we are all in your hand! How thankful we are to be here! How grateful we are that you love us and see us not as bad sheep gone astray but as your beloved children who are returning home to you. We feel the great love working to bring us all together again with you in safety and peace. Thank you, O God, for keeping our hearts in your care. Thank You, O God, for keeping your hand on all world leaders. Thank You, O God, for being with us, in all life, in all love, in all peace and joy, goodness and growth.

Praise is the most amazing thing--it doesn’t just shine a light in the darkness, it turns the darkness into light! No matter what the outer world looks like, we always have something to praise--God’s love, God’s presence, the very fact that we live! If we have eyes to see it, we can know there is love all around us, given to us moment by moment, day by day. The psalmist says we should praise the Lord “seven times a day.” How many times do we stop to really say thank you during the day? We can pay attention to our hearts today and find out whether they are singing a grateful or a gloomy song.

~ Prayer for Guidance ~

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”
—Psalm 32:8

Sometimes, Lord, it’s so hard to see. We squint and struggle to make sense of what you’re showing us. Help us know when you are guiding us, Lord, and when we are clutching at the wrong answers. Help us know, as this peace process unfolds, how to best follow your voice, how to love each other with your perfect love, and how to continue to turn to you and, when it’s your will, to wait until the time you choose to answer our prayers. Thank you for teaching us how to live in your care and respond to your voice.

Just for today, let’s not be too quick with our human judgments. When we’re deciding whether to go to the store or stay home, we can ask God what he wants us to do. When we’re trying to decide which clothes to wear in the morning, we can ask God what he thinks, and then listen. The more we turn to the Lord for the small issues in life, the more clearly we will hear him in the midst of big issues.

Prayers for Peace

Last summer I wrote a short book of prayers for the healing of the Israel-Palestine conflict, and this morning I felt led to revisit those prayers and found they were helpful for our current painful situation of almost desperate uncertainty. I am trying to keep my mind stayed on God, focusing on the Power and not the problem. God can heal even this situation--He can calm hearts and open opportunities and settle spirits. For the next 10 days, I'm going to publish in this space one prayer and meditation from the booklet. I hope you enjoy the prayers and find they bring you a little peace in your day. Please pass them along to anyone you feel might be blessed by them, or click the link in the left panel of the Practical ~f a i t h~ site to view the entire booklet in PDF format. Remember...God hears us, God loves us, God is with us all. Love, Katherine

~ Prayer for Peace ~

“I will listen to what God the Lord will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints—but let them not return to folly.”
—Psalm 85:8

What is peace, my Lord, but your presence in our midst? What is peace, my God, but our thoughts stopping for a moment, resting on your love, breathing in your comfort? When is peace but now? Help us, we pray, to reach out our weary arms to receive the peace you long to give us. Come, Father, and abide with us, bringing your still and perfect peace to our loud and threatening world.


We can reflect today on where we need to make peace in our lives. Do we hold a grudge against a friend, family member, coworker, or neighbor? Is there an unforgiven hurt within us? Are we at war with our circumstances? Let’s agree to let God heal our conflicts and bring us peace—in our hearts and in every heart throughout the world—through His grace.

For a Growing Faith

I ran across Tennyson's In Memoriam a little while ago...and these verses from the first poem touched my heart:

Our little systems have their day;
They have their day and cease to be:
They are but broken lights of thee,
And thou, O Lord, art more than they.

We have but faith: we cannot know;
For knowledge is of things we see;
And yet we trust it comes from thee,
A beam in darkness: let it grow.

If you feel so led, you can find the entire poem online at http://tennysonpoetry.home.att.net/0.htm. I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday! :) k

Reflections

This morning, after rain and rain and more rain, the sun rose into a perfect blue and pink sky. About half-way through our drive to school, the sun made it over the horizon, huge and orange. As we continued driving east, the sun rose to meet us, filling in all the spaces in frosted the Indiana cornfields and spreading to buildings, through trees, over hills. I noticed, driving on the country road that leads to my son's high school (the same road where his brother and I had a series accident two months ago), that the people in the westbound lane had illumined faces. One by one, as each passed me, driving away from the sun, I saw their entire faces--brightly lit and framed by the morning light. For a moment, I wondered how that could be possible. And then I knew: reflections. The sun was reflecting off my car, reflecting off their rear view mirrors, reflecting off any surface it found available. The sun, like God, radiates everywhere and touches everything. Others are "lit up" by our presence, our passing, our smiles, our thoughts. Even in a dark car headed the wrong direction, light finds a way to do what it does. Even a life seemingly hurt and battered and bruised and lost is never outside God's reach. Don't give up on anyone, ever. God might be using you to light their faces.

Many blessings to you this weekend! :) k

Storms: Before and After

This morning at 5:00am I awoke to the sound of a strong spring storm. The room flashed full of light and then the thunder rolled in...the wind pushed at the windows and the downpour roared against the roof. It was wonderful, cleansing, powerful, releasing. Before storms arrive--the external weather-related kind or the internal, emotional kind--there's always a build-up in the atmosphere: things unsaid, emotions unclaimed, energy cells stagnating. The force of the storm pushes away the stalled or stuffed energy, moving through as a living force and releasing what's real, what's new, what needed to come out. Now we can have spring. Thank God. :) k

War Fries

This morning an almost unbelievable story came to my attention. The U.S. House of Representatives have renamed "french toast" and "french fries" in the House cafeteria because they are mad at France. Here's the link: CNN Fries Article

Can any reasonable adult think this will take us toward peace? Is it possible that humans--so eager to be caught up in the passion of collective, self-proclaimed righteousness--can completely miss the fact that they are acting like third graders and fanning the fires of hatred? Do they not realize that they are modeling behaviors that show an entire country how to act? This completely baffles me. How I wish peace were our nation's priority! No, I wish God was truly first in every heart and mind on Capital Hill. Then the passionate rhetoric would stop and peoples inflamed egos would dissipate and we'd begin talking rationally about what we can do to heal the world. That's my prayer today. Peace to you all. -k

The Lights Go On

It's been an amazingly snow-heavy winter here in Indiana. As soon as one layer of snow begins to melt, another falls. Last Saturday night my son Cameron and I sat in the dark for 4 1/2 hours (with candles and a battery operated radio) because a heavy snowstorm knocked out our power. We talked, we read by candlelight; I crocheted a blanket I started three years ago. What do we do without busy-ness? Without noise and electronics and Playstation 2? We talked, we thought, we listened, we waited. And then the lights went on, as mysteriously and as suddenly as they went out. Beyond our control, simply requiring our acceptance. That's the way I'm learning from God these days--accepting what is, being grateful for it, and learning to meet Him in the quiet moments underneath the rush and clatter of our modern life. :) k

New Forum

I love blogging (and especially this blog), but this particular forum is limited in that it can offer only the stories and thoughts that occur to me throughout the day. I'd like to hear what you're thinking and experiencing, too. Douglas Tindal, Producer at FaithandValues.com (www.faithandvalues.com), has asked me to host a community forum on their site to help us all explore "the sacred in the ordinary" in our lives. I'm excited! I hope you'll come visit me at that forum (go to http://forum.faithandvalues.com and click Practical Faith) and write in and say hello!

Have a good weekend! :) k

The Gift

A friend sent this story to me just a few minutes ago and I wanted to share it with you:

In a remote village in Central America, the word got out that one of the missionaries who had served their country for many years was about to return home for her remaining years. The nationals desired to honor her for her long service with a public time of appreciation. News of the event spread to all parts of the country where the missionary was well-known. One very old and poor man walked to the ceremony over mountainous terrain for four days to bring his gift to her. The gift consisted of two coconuts, but it was all he had. The missionary recognized the man as he was approaching. "Brother," she said, "I cannot believe that you would walk so far to present me with this gift." He responded: "The long walk is part of the gift."

In our modern, goal-driven world, we want to see the fruits of our efforts, the effect of our labor. We can easily think that the results of our actions--the successful stewardship campaign we led, the wagon we built, the science project we assisted in, the prayers we offered--are the important part. But each moment, each breath, each smile, each step is part of the gift; the gift we offer God, the gift we offer each other, the gift we offer ourselves. Let's live today joyfully! It's a gift we're always sharing. :) k

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There Is Peace

This moment, all around me, there is peace. Just outside my window I see sparrows on the branches of the leafless burning bush, chattering to each other and soaking in the sun. The tops of the snow mounds along the walks and driveways in my neighborhood glitter like they've been sprinkled with diamond dust. My sons are at school, well-fed and secure. My relationships are harmonious. Life is good. Peace is here, in this moment, all around me in this world I see, this world I've been given, this world that blesses me. Is it peaceful where you are, right now? In your life, in your mind, in your heart? Let's thank God for it with all we've got. There is peace in this world. And what we pay attention to grows--in the Name of God. So let's agree to love the peace God has placed in our homes and souls so much that it magnifies and instantly extends to embrace the world. Can peace be more than that?

Blessings on your day! :) k

A Wonderful Gift

A friend sent this poem to me just a few minutes ago...it's wonderful. I love Rumi (thanks, Chris!). I wanted to share it with you, too. Here it is: :) k

Zero Circle

Be helpless, dumbfounded,
Unable to say yes or no.
Then a stretcher will come from grace
to gather us up.

We are too dull-eyed to see that beauty.
If we say we can, we’re lying.
If we say No, we don’t see it,
That No will behead us
And shut tight our window onto spirit.

So let us rather not be sure of anything,
Beside ourselves, and only that, so
Miraculous beings come running to help.
Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute,
We shall be saying finally,
With tremendous eloquence, Lead us.
When we have totally surrendered to that beauty,
We shall be a mighty kindness.

--Rumi

Increasing Still-ability

This afternoon, right after lunch, I was standing at the kitchen window watching my now-big-100-pound Newfoundland puppy Georgie bound joyfully through the snow in the backyard. I was munching shortbread cookies. As I finished one cookie and started another, I heard myself wonder, "Why am I eating these? I'm not hungry...and they don't even taste good." The answer was, "I'm having trouble being still," and I knew that it was true.

The last few weeks have been an incredibly busy work time for me. I rush through my morning routine--which typically involves 20 to 30 minutes of meditation, reading, and writing in my journal--do a quick version of yoga (which really negates the whole point of yoga), and talk to God on the run, in the car, in-between paragraphs as I write. I don't feel distant from God, but I sure haven't given him the focused attention I usually do. As I stood there crunching cookies, though, I suddenly understood the frenetic cycle I was in...running from one thing to another, tapping my foot and thinking of the next thing, jittering, planning, moving...

The problem with incessant activity is that there's no listening time, no clearing in a mind that rests, no receptivity to new, healed, or blessed perceptions. There's simply a fast management of life as I perceive it, navigating through deadlines, getting the kids fed, trying to plot the fastest way to school with the least traffic. I suspect that making stillness a priority once again--perhaps especially in the midst of such time pressure--will give me focus and rest and a knowing that I miss when I'm running through my days.

So thanks for the cookie, God, and for the realization that went along with it. I'm going to find a clear spot in my afternoon and just hang out with you for a while.

Blessings on your day! :) k

Answered Prayers

A word of encouragement for all of us who pray for peace, for love, for healing in these days, taken from today's entry in God Calling (Jove Books, NY):

Remember, trembling heart, that with God, to hear is to answer. Your prayers, and they have been many, are answered.

May we all feel God with us today and claim the divine reassurance that our prayers are always heard and answered.

TGIF! Have a great weekend. :) k

The Little Things of God

* a smile * a touch * letting a grumpy person go before you in traffic * reassurance * waking up on a cold morning under a pile of warm blankets * being truthful because you believe it's right * being truthful because you know it's healing (for you both) * being truthful because you know God is in the words you speak and carries the spirit of healing between the two of you * letting small annoyances pass * not getting insulted when your kids take you for granted * taking time to listen when you don't think you have it * getting a sudden glimpse of the preciousness of life * being thankful for everything * seeing your friends perfect just the way they are * remembering that everything God created, He named "good" (including you and me) * glimpsing beauty in falling snow, majesty in forceful winds, peace in raindrops, and love--and the need for it--in the faces of all those you see today.

Many blessings on your day! With love, :) k

The Starting Point

I had a wonderful conversation with a young, dear friend last night. We were talking about the state of the world--these clouds of threat that hang over us all as individuals, as a country, as world. I told him that I believe that the natural state of all God created is health--and that we, in our own bodies, our families, our communities, our world--are built to righten naturally. Our immune systems attempt to chase away germs; our hair grows back; our bruises and cuts heal. In our families, upset and misunderstandings get washed away with love and forgiveness. In our businesses, mistakes and bad choices become part of the learning fabric essential to making better, healthier choices in the future. There is reason for hope, and it begins with a recognition and welcome of the healing gift God has built into us all. We will grow and learn and strengthen ourselves and each other, if we're awake to it and willing to apply it. And God will use our health to call others out from under the dark clouds and begin to allow the healing in their own lives in a new way.

I ran across this quote this morning that captures that starting point of healing:

But where was I to start? The world is so vast, I shall start with the country I knew best, my own. But my country is so very large. I had better start with my town. But my town, too, is large. I had best start with my street. No, my home. No, my family. Never mind, I shall start with myself.
- Elie Wiesel

Enjoy your day, and have a good weekend! :) k

A Question

If your thoughts were powerful enough to instantly create what you are thinking about, what would you would want to create today?

With Me :)

I want to follow up on my last posting real quick. First I have to say what we all know: God is amazing. Not long after I wrote that message the other morning, I began to feel a shift inside. A strength. A calm. By the afternoon, I was in full swing on my projects, making great headway. By nighttime I'd cranked out a major portion of a project and was moving on to the next. Today, three days later, I can report back that God has been with me and in me and his strength has surrounded me in my work every step of the way. I ask him for guidance and do the next thing I know to do to the best of my ability. I don't allow myself to entertain that panic thought, "How will I ever get all this done?" The calm assurance--and productivity--is a great gift, and it was--and is--there for the asking. God is truly with us, in whatever capacity we'll allow him. I want him in all ways, in all times, in all circumstances. Thank you, God! Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! :) k

With Me or Not

Last night I somehow dropped off to sleep worrying about three wonderful-but-huge projects I have this month. This morning I woke up in a panic before first light, feeling overwhelmed and incapable of meeting all these looming deadlines. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up and pulled all the covers up over my head, thinking over and over again, "God is my resource...God is my resource..."

What I'm struggling with today is my perception of my own limitations and, at a very basic level, a question of whether I really believe God's promise that He is always with me, that the battle is His, that He is the vine and I am the branch. If I am struggling with the thought of "my limited resources" of time, money, energy, whatever--isn't that the same thing as declaring that I'm in this alone and relying on my own strength? Do I believe God powers me or not? Is it Him at work in me and through me, every minute--or is He here one minute and gone the next? That's not the God I know...and I think I'm being led to a new place where I will understand and live from the very base of my beliefs. He has brought abundant work. I am thankful. He equips us for the jobs He has for us. He tells us to look to Him for strength and direction and let the battle be His. Can I apply this to all levels of my life and believe the best about myself--because He works in me?

I'm reminded of a quote I read a while back: "When you find that you're running out of time, pray twice as much as you normally would." It might not seem logical, but our spirits know that the most important moments of any day are the ones in which we can reconnect with our Source. And that can happen in a split second, whenever we choose it to be so. A good reminder. Blessings on your day! :) -k

Faith in Faces

I happened across this site this morning and it gave me such a warm feeling I wanted to pass it on: www.pictureyourself.org. This site is just filled with people who have taken photos of themselves (you know, the camera-at-the-end-of-the-outstretched-arm thing). But I was touched by all these people sharing real moments of their lives in this way. What must we all look like, together, to God? What a breathtaking mosaic of beauty, love, laughter, and light. He must be so glad He created us! We're such colorful companions! :) k

Climbing Up on God's Lap

I don't understand much about the "energy" dynamic between people--I can't really put words around the effects we seem to have on each other when we're joyful, or grumpy, or angry, or sad. As highly compassionate beings, we tend to take on whatever others around us are feeling--for better and for worse. Today I did this without wanting to, absorbing another person's mood like a human sponge. Now I find myself weary and worn out and feeling like I need to put on some footed jammies, get a mug of hot chocolate, and climb up in God's lap for a while. I think I need some Divine cuddling and an "everything-will-be-okay" hug. :) k

A Light Moment

I had such a neat experience today in a meeting. As my client and I were talking, he was getting passionate about an idea and I suddenly felt his mind just open and light pour in. In that instant, I saw how God prepares us through love for the moment He chooses to fill us with understanding. What a blessing! I will remember this for those times I'm tempted to regard others as "close-minded." God will find a way, through what they love in their own lives, to bring all the openness He needs for their enlightenment. Thank you, God! You've thought of everything! :) k

Letting God Make the Pass

This morning, feeling a bit burdened, I sat in the living room under a comforting afghan watching my son Cameron play the new PS2 game he got for Christmas, NFL 2003. At 9, he can name all the quarterbacks for NFL teams and run through enough plays and stats to make your head swim. I was sitting with him physically, but not really there mentally, turning over and over a worry that had preoccupied much of my thought this morning. I vacantly watched the virtual ball fly through the air from the kicker to receiver. A perfect catch.

"Did you do that?" I asked Cameron. "Do you control the ball or does the computer do it?"

Cameron, never looking away from his game, with fingers and thumbs flying, said "When I'm kicking, it's best to let the computer control it. If the computer does it, the receiver catches it every time. If I control it, I have to make sure the ball gets there...and that's a lot harder."

I sat and felt the Aha! spread through my tense mind. Thanks for the object lesson, God, I thought. If I let God call the shots and direct my circumstances, I can be certain they will be resolved in the way he wants them to be resolved. If I grab the controls away and try to do it myself, chances are that my fears and worries and misperceptions will cause the ball to miss its mark. I know this, and I know I know it. And yet, it's so easy to forget. Thank goodness I have a football-loving 9-year-old around to remind me.

Blessings on your day! :) k

Making Things New Again

Blessings on your New Year as God does a new thing in our midst, releasing us from mistakes and errors of the past and setting us firmly in a clear bright hope for the future. It's our task to hold to the fresh vision of peace, love, and light in this New Year. I'm glad I'm your sister in this wonderful, love-filled effort! Happy New Year, everyone! :) k

Silent Night

The snow has been falling for hours here in Indianapolis. It's five minutes til midnight and a quiet blanket of white covers the streets, lawns, and cars. Outside with my dog Georgie a few minute ago, I heard only the sound of the snowflakes falling and Georgie snuffling through the deep snow. Inside, the kids had hot chocolate and are now tucked in bed. All is well, all is peace, all is calm.

I'm so thankful for these perfect moments of quiet contemplation, when I can hear in my heart the words of the angel...for unto *you* is born this day. Thank you, God, for your gift of yourself to us, today and everyday. May we each, in the way you open for us, continue to extend your gift to others.

Merry Christmas, everyone. May God bless you with a special understanding of his love today. :) k

A Humbling Thought

This afternoon, as I was rushing like mad to finish a chapter so that I could turn it in as "done" on my 5:00pm report to the publisher, a thought was given to me quietly, gently, like a valentine that was sure to make an impact. The thought was "Don't *look* good; *do* good." I didn't ask for this thought (except perhaps in that continuous prayer I send out asking God to see my heart and remove any obstacles that keep me away from him).

Don't look good; do good.

Suddenly I saw myself clearly in a not-so-flattering light. I was working hard, but what was my motivation? To do the work well and honor my deadline, or to avoid looking bad to the publisher? I had to admit to myself (yes, and to you) that my motivation was that of a child: I didn't want the publisher to be unhappy about work I felt I should have finished earlier.

I could launch into a long diatribe about how our power systems (adult-child; teacher-student; boss-employee; law-citizen; pastor-flock) encourage division, judgment, and hiding by giving the majority of power to one and little or none to the other. When we feel we are in positions of lesser power, we feel vulnerable; we put on our fig leaves and try to hide. Smiling and "looking good" becomes really important, because we want those in power to approve of us (or at least leave us alone).

Equality felt and applied gives us the freedom to be honest, to tell people truthfully the way things are and how we see it. We can share our truth without fear or hiding. We can cooperate to make sense of situations and work together to resolve problems (even late chapters). It seems a much better and healthier (and God-like) approach to me. I want to focus on being an adult child of God, equal and safe with all other children of God on this globe. And I want to *do* good in my work and throughout my life, whether or not I *look* good doing it.

Blessings on your day! :) k

Getting Over "Otherness"

I read an interesting article today about a young boy with a beautiful voice. He sang like an angel at home, in his room, by himself. He loved singing and felt loved, singing. But when he stepped in front of someone else--whether that someone was his parents, his class, his church, or an audience--his heart beat loudly, his breathing became shallow, he broke out in a sweat, and his voice tightened into a sound so thin it was barely a squeak. The beautiful, joyful song strangled in his throat because of his fear of the judgment of others. His gift was lost to everyone--to the boy, to the audience, and to the world--because he became painfully aware of his "otherness" and felt those hearing him would listen with ears tuned to judgment instead of love.

What would the world look (or sound) like if we were absolutely sure that we would receive complete acceptance each time we tried something new? What if our ideas were welcomed and loved and listened to, simply because they came from us, the children of God? The next time I'm scared to share something of myself, I'm going to do it anyway, just to begin to chip away at this illusion of Otherness. I'll do it for you, and for me. Because each choice we make, remembering Love, brings us together a little more. :) k

Letting Prayers Fly

This has been a busy month for prayer so far. Lots of people sick--some seriously, some not--many people hurting; others struggling with depression around the holidays, or dreading change, or stuck in a rut. Another friend is in danger of losing her house because of financial problems; yet another quit her job after a huge internal struggle and is taking some time off for mental and spiritual housecleaning.

But sometimes when the prayer needs are many I forget something important. I begin to feel burdened and worried. I start a kind of "hand-wringing prayer," in which I plead with God to lighten the burdens of the people on my heart. But when I wring my hands and carry the burden with me, I have not left the need in God's lap. If I'm still carrying the worry for my friend and her financial situation, pleading with God throughout the day to please do something, I am assuming either (1) that he has not heard me, or (2) he for some reason doesn't want to help her and needs my prodding in order to act. I know that both of these things are impossible--God hears our every prayer and he works all things together for our good. (And he certainly doesn't need me to play Moses and try to talk him into something other than what he thinks is best.) When I focus on my worry instead of his grace, my prayers never get higher than my ceiling, because I won't let them go.

Our lives are created in partnership with God--every moment, every breath, every thought. We can never be apart from him. We can be unaware of our oneness with him and with each other, but never separated from it. When I focus on God's love and life--in my friends who are sick, or in financial need, or under stress--I know that he is more than able to heal, solve, move, and act in their lives and in the lives of all those they love. What is there to worry about? I'm going to trust those prayers and let 'em fly. :) k

Wishing Us a Less Materialistic Holiday

I read something in the paper this morning that said that 84 percent of Americans would rather make the holidays less materialistic. I think that's a wonderful number! If you lessen materialism, you make more room for spirit. And the fact that so many people (according to this survey) are even thinking about opening their hearts in lieu of their checkbooks is something to sing about. In fact, I wrote an article on this very thing last month for DisciplesWorld magazine. I've just added it in the Recent Articles section on the Practical ~faith~ page. So come visit and take a look if you'd like some ideas on gifts that cost you nothing but give you everything.

Wishing us all LOTS of Christmas spirit this year! :) k

Laugh of the Week

I've been off-blog since before Thanksgiving just because I've had a mountain of work (and fun stuff, too) to do. I hope this note finds you all well and enjoying a relaxing weekend. I wanted to pass along a headline, taken from Faith Week in Review, a newsletter published by Faithandvalues.com, that made me laugh:

Evangelicals on top of prostitutes
One reason why evangelical churches across the nation are not growing is due to the image that non-Christian adults have of evangelical individuals. In a nationwide survey among people who do not consider themselves to be Christian, the image of "evangelicals" rated tenth out of eleven groups evaluated, beating out only prostitutes.

The article is actually quite interesting, detailing how certain labels attract or repel us based on our understanding and expectations. More evidence that the mind separates and categorizes, while the heart just loves. :) k

The Immediator

The thought in my head today is about the immediacy of God. The "I Am" is here right now, in this moment, with each of us. It occurred to me this morning that I'm here, right now, living this day, because God wants me here. Today. In this city, in this house, with these kids (and dogs and cats), with these bills, with this career, with the individual friendships that bless me in all directions. We are vastly connected to eternity and to the eternal, simply standing here, right in this moment, where we are. Now is the portal to all the sacredness we'll ever know. Now is the moment when we finally welcome and recognize God. And if we miss the opportunity, we know it's offered again and again, as each future moment we're given becomes Now.

Pitching the Bucket of Faith

When I was in fourth grade, my best friend Michele moved with her parents from our concrete-and-brick apartment complex to a beautiful farm just outside the Indianapolis city limits. The house was big and drafty, with windows that stretched from floor to ceiling and big, unused rooms upstairs with peeling paint and chipping plaster--perfect and spooky for two 10-year-old girls giggling their way through a sleepover.

One morning in November we awoke early to find the world painted with a heavy frost, from barn to field to house. Michele and I put on our coats and gloves (she wore her Daddy's big canvas work gloves) and we went out to do Michele's chore. Her job was to water the horses; the mama mare, named Chocolate, and her newborn colt.


Michele had learned how to use the old pump and I stood back and marveled at this friend who had been a Barbie-playing city girl only weeks before. She pumped the water and I helped her carry it to the barn. Over and over we did this; one trip, two trips, three trips. Soon our arms were aching and Michele huffed, "Why is this taking so long? I usually only need two buckets and I'm done."

Michele's dad appeared in the doorway, grinning. "I was wondering when you two were going to realize that you picked up the bucket with the hole in the back." He pointed to the bucket. Sure enough, water was running out the back as we walked to the trough. He handed Michele a different bucket and took the one with the hole out of her hands. "I'll pitch this bucket and seal it up and it will be good as new tomorrow," he said.

This morning I'm remembering that experience because I've been thinking about ways that our faith trickles away without us knowing. Over 90 percent of Americans pray. Do we really believe it works? Do our actions say so? Are we any closer to really trusting God, to really relying on him to see us through the course of our lives? I want my belief to be more than belief: I want it to be a knowing. And toward that end, I want my thoughts, my choices, my actions, and my expectations to reflect the faith I say I have--and I know I have--when the chips are down. I'd like to pitch my bucket of faith and seal up those little cracks where the strength of God's presence dribbles out unnoticed. That means trusting him to do what he says he will do. Expecting it. Claiming it. Listening carefully--and applying what I hear. And with a little divine help, this bucket will soon be as good as new--or, more likely, better than ever.

Enjoy your day! :) k

Closing the Manual

This morning driving home from school, I heard an interview with John Mayer, a contemporary singer-songwriter. The interviewer brought up the fact that John gone to music school at Berkeley for two years and then cut out. His response: "I never was the kind of person to learn things from a manual." Me neither! I wanted to sit up and cheer. :) How often we feel we need to do what everyone else has done, learn the way everyone else learns, and value what everyone else values. But life in faith is a journey, step by step, that takes us along our own unique path, if we're paying attention. I'm putting away the store-bought map, closing the how-to manual, turning off the TV, and letting go of everything except God. He's more than able to show me where to put my foot next. Blessings on your day! :) k

Understanding & Knowing

It occurred to me today as I was writing to a friend that so many of the things we learn in our lives, we learn only over time. We grow, gradually, into trusting other people. We get used to a new job--slowly, one project, one person at a time. We change our lives, our families, our goals, and our perspectives by taking microscopic little steps, growing in a tiny way each day, every day, for years. Our intolerance melts subtly into acceptance. Our prejudices begin to take a back seat to our hope of finding that of God in another. Our fears, bit by bit, dissolve the unknown in favor of the known--what God has done before, he'll do again, and more.

So many of the unrealistic expectations I have put on myself and my own growth have had to do with time. I expect to know better, now. I want an answer, now. Like Paul, I know what I think I should be doing, but as Peace Pilgrim says, "It takes a while for the learning to catch up with the living."

But today I caught a glimpse of an understanding that reminded me that time is an ally, deepening our understanding and underscoring our knowing: Practical experience with God gives us an understanding and a knowing of his presence we can't get from a book, a song, or a movie. Lots of days with God give us the scope of experience, the knowing that he's there when we need him, a real help, companion, and guide we can count on, no matter what. :) k

One of Those Days

Have you ever had a day that started out great and then went to pieces before noon? I don't know what happened today, but what began as a beautiful, frosty, peaceful morning dissolved into an "everything's-going-wrong" kind of day. Sometimes I just don't see any rhyme or reason to these things; but I know God understands, even when I don't. My mantra today is, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." I know things will come back together again as quickly as they came apart. And God is with us, either way. :) k

Loving the Note

I got to sit in on my son Christopher's trumpet lesson yesterday. His instructor, Jim Edison, has done it all. He's been the director of college bands; played professionally on tour with big bands and singers; played for the Barnum & Bailey Circus; has formed, managed, and toured with jazz groups; and was inducted into the Jazz Hall of Fame. He's 70 years old now, and a stroke a few years back left his left hand hanging by his side. But the right hand still plays trumpet magically; and his mind, keen ear, and fine teaching spirit know just when to stop to the music and call a boy's attention to something small that can make the difference between playing a note and loving it.

Did you know that there are many different ways to play a note on a trumpet? Not just loud and soft, but also "in-the-box quiet" and "concert-hall big." There are ways to bite off notes, breathe through notes, gently round notes and "set them down", kiss notes, project notes, and taste notes that sound like "milk and honey." And when you're stretching for the high notes--which is stressful because they're tough to reach and harder to hold--the trick is to relax and breathe; don't screw up your face and tighten your arms and neck muscles. Relax and love the note. Relax and honor your partner, your instrument. Relax and enjoy the moment, filled with music you're contributing to the world.

Each moment we live is another chance to play a note. We can hold moments tenderly or enjoy them heartily and let them go. We can waste them looking back at the past and wishing we were there. We can lose them by fantasizing about other notes we'll play--or moments we'll live--in the future. But we've got a chance to play a note, right now, in any way we choose. Today, may you do it your way, with God's help, and may you both enjoy its sound. :) k

Prayers for Parents

Over the weekend, I ran across this article,"CNN.com - Survey: Parents doubt their skills - Oct. 30, 2002," saying that a recent survey found that parents generally feel they are failing as parents. My heart went out to this entire generation of parents! Sometime today, would you please join me in praying for their comfort, wisdom, and growing relationships with the Divine? We can pray not only for the parents in this survey but for all parents, everywhere, today. Prayer is one of the few ways we can truly touch everyone, instantly, in the name of God. Let's remind each other, too, that we're just where we need to be today and that not one of us makes this journey alone. Blessings on your day. :) k

Letting God Work

Do you notice how much is being written right now about letting God work? It seems as though all signs lead to Trust for me lately. I hear songs on the radio and they remind me to trust God. I catch five minutes of a TV program and it reminds me to trust God. A little snippet of an email reminds me that if I'm struggling, I'm not trusting.

It occurs to me that Trust is continuum, a path that leads us from that initial acceptance of God's help, through every moment of our lives, to a full realization and reconciliation with him after this worldly life. Trust isn't a lesson we learn once and master; it's a million small choices, several made each day. Trust grows when we decide to ask God what to do instead of reacting quickly to an upsetting situation. Trust grows when we turn to him when something scares us. Trust grows when we choose to stand on his promises instead of relying on our own strength to solve a problem. Trust grows when we continue stepping forward in the dark, holding on to the belief that he is with us and will direct our steps.

My hope for us this weekend is that we're able to know God's presence in a very real way and rely on--and take comfort in--the fact that our relationship with him continues to grow in trust each day, just the way he wants it to. Blessings on your weekend! :) k

Being Understood

The importance of being understood is on my mind and heart today. Last night I had the difficult experience of being misunderstood--or perhaps misjudged is more the word--by a person I'd just met. I found myself flailing inside, upset and trying quickly to figure out how to make things better, to let her know I was an okay person, to make things more comfortable for us both. Nothing I tried worked. Reflecting on it in my quiet time with God later, I could see that I was probably trying too hard, caring too much, working too diligently to try to make things better. If I had been able to simply let the situation be what it was, to listen quietly for God's leading instead of acting from the pounding of my own upset heart, a different result may have arisen. Or maybe not. But either way, I would have been holding the hand of the One who truly understands me, and I would have felt less alone.

A Silent Moment

To send a prayer for Senator Paul Wellstone and his family, friends, and constituents. His vision, voice, and energy will be missed. We were fortunate to have in him someone who showed us it is possible to balance passion and perspective with a genuine, world-changing love for people.

Knowing Where We Come From

The other day my sons and I were in the car (we spend lots of time on the road, but it's good talk time) and the discussion turned to eyebrows. My teenage son suddenly has these cool, manly eyebrows. :) He was saying he obviously gets his eyebrows from his dad. "I have your mouth," he said. "That's what makes me a good trumpet player." My younger son got in on the discussion. "I think I got my easy-going attitude from you," he said, "but I'm good at football because of Dad."

As the conversation continued, I was touched by how much of themselves my sons attribute to their dad or to me. His hair, my eyes. His romanticism, my gentleness. I listened to them talk as they divided their attributes and qualities into little piles: Mom and Dad. I wondered where their own gifts came into their figuring. And I was moved by how important--and comforting--it is to know where we come from.

I didn't know my father until I was 34 years old, and then it was an odd meeting--I walked into a room filled with people, knowing that any man over 60 in there could suddenly look up and say, "Kathy? Hi--I'm your dad." I didn't realize it until I met and began to have a relationship with this man that I needed to know where some of my interests and abilities came from. And as my relationship with him continues to grow, I see more and more of myself in him.

How important it is to know where we come from! And for those of us who didn't grow up having all the puzzle pieces intact, who were adopted or simply unconnected, what a gift it is to uncover those missing pieces as they appear in our lives. What strikes me most of all, however, is how on a deeper level we all know that we are part of each other as well as part of something larger. I believe we sense that underneath all our surface differences, we all fit together perfectly in the very heart of God. Knowing where we come from--and Whose we are--helps us feel safe, knowing that we belong, knowing we share in something bigger than ourselves, knowing that we are never alone.

Blessings on your day, friend. :) k

More Info, Please

Thanks to Doug Tindal of www.faithandvalues.com for sending me this info. The man I described yesterday (who told the story of the American fellow on safari) was Terry Hershey, author of the book Soul Gardening. You can read about his book by clicking the book name and going directly to the amazon.com page describing it. Enjoy! And, by the way, how's your soul today? Mine's trailing a little behind, like Peter Pan's shadow...:)) -k

Letting Our Souls Catch Up

The last three mornings I've added something new to my morning routine: Up at 6:00, wake the boys to get ready for school, let the dogs out, and do my yoga (or fold last night's laundry). But earlier this week, when I was looking for a yoga program a friend had told me about, I discovered New Morning, a show produced by Faith and Values Media that runs on the Hallmark Channel at 6:15 (in my area) each weekday morning. This simple little show is peaceful and filled with heart--ideas for staying centered, listening to God, beginning the day in a peaceful frame. It really is an amazing, sweet, gentle way to open a new day.

This morning one of the stories showed a man sitting in a garden. He told a story that went something like this: "A typical American man decided to go on Safari in Africa. He was typical in the sense that he was always in a hurry, always out of time, and he travelled with lots of stuff. In Africa, he hired a group to help him carry his belongings on safari. For each of three days, they made great time--they rose early, they walked fast, they set camp late. On the fourth morning, the man rose with the sun, as usual. He was ready to go. The morning dragged on and the workers didn't appear. Finally, agitated and upset, he approached the guide. "Where is everyone?" he asked. "We were supposed to leave hours ago." The guide looked around with a knowing smile and turned quietly back to the man. "They are waiting for their souls to catch up," he said.

This simple little story felt like a great gift to me. How often I rush through my day, measuring my effectiveness by the number of deadlines I meet, the tasks I accomplished, the kids I delivered on time to various school and social functions. I love the idea of simply letting my soul catch up with my body! Today I'm going to be more willing to walk at a gentler pace, one that allows me to stop and take a breath when my soul needs to smell the roses.

And if you want to give yourself a gift tomorrow morning, find out when New Morning is playing in your area. Here's the link: www.newmorningtv.tv.

It's in the Eyes

Yesterday afternoon I had about 45 minutes to do half a dozen things. I ran to the grocery, to the post office (yes, now I know that it was Columbus Day and there was no mail service), and to the pet store. Last stop before picking Cameron up from school: Kinkos.I had 8 minutes to drop off a manuscript to be copied. When I shuffled in, wearing my sweatpants, Christ the King school sweatshirt, and Nike sandals, the place was filled with businesspeople in businesswear. I tried to wait patiently, watching the second hand tick away the seconds on the clock on the wall.

Seven minutes later, I was the next person in line. As I stood biting the inside of my lip and picturing Cameron waiting like a forelorn waif on the empty school sidewalk, a young man with dredlocks in baggy, low-rider pants walked in and went up to the counter. He stood straight as an arrow, right in front of me. The harried clerks continued waiting on their respective customers. Then one employee turned and looked at the fellow. I noticed her eyes--big, blue, wide-open, *tender* eyes. She stepped up to him and said softly, "How can I help you?"

The young man cleared his throat and asked whether they were hiring. I was touched by the practiced way he held his head up; his gaze, his stiff shoulders. I could feel how tense he was.

The woman was a model of gentleness. She spoke with him as though he were the most important person in the room. She told him what their hiring policies were. She explained the jobs she had open. She gave him the name of the HR manager, along with his phone number and the hours he worked. She wrote the information down on the back of one of her own business cards. She went above and beyond just normal people doing normal jobs. She was loving this kid, showing him that his questions were important, that she honored his decision--and his courage--in coming in to ask about a job. Those eyes said it all. She valued him and he was welcome. What a nice gift for a kid who probably gets more scowls than smiles in our world.

The clock on the wall? I forgot about it and thanked God for that woman's example to me. It's not about the seconds you spend with someone. It's about looking at them tenderly--with love, with intention, with kindness. It's about being tenderly present with people in a way that lets them know you see them and shows them you're glad they're there.

And somehow, miraculously, I had a heart realignment and I still made it to school in time to see Cameron walk out the front door with his friends. Thanks, God.

I Love That Guy

This morning I had an interesting experience. I was driving my son Cameron to school and we were listening to the radio. A listener called in and was talking to the radio host about something...and I rolled my eyes and changed the station. "Why'd you do that?" Cameron asked.

"The guy was obviously making that up," I said. "He just wanted to get on the radio."

After dropping Cameron off at school, I thought of my reaction and wondered why it irritated me. I started to talk (in my head) to God about it.

"Oh, I know," I suddenly imagined God saying, "I just love that guy. He's a hoot, isn't he?"

That thought stopped my irritated, why-do-people-do that? kind of thinking. The image of a smiling, loving God, shaking his head and laughing lightly about the crazy things we do for attention, for love, for affirmation, to feel better. He understands us. He knows what drives us and what we need. He loves and smiles and pats us when we need it.

I'm not going to judge that guy on the radio anymore. God loves him. And me, too, thank God. :) k

New Issue of OPENINGS

Hello! Today I published a new edition of OPENINGS, the free enewsletter I write that shares simple faith essays (much like this blog but with a bit more room to write). If you'd like to check it out, click here or visit www.revisionsplus.com/Openings.htm when you get the chance. If you'd like to get on the list for OPENINGS, just drop me a note at kmurray@iquest.net.

I hope you're enjoying the fall wherever you are and you take a moment sometime today to feel the good changes coming in as the geese fly over... :) k

A Kind Day

This was a day of unexpected kindnesses. The person on the interstate letting me in, the smiling teachers at Cameron's school, happy clients and kind emails, funny stories and shared moments with family. Some days the kindness just glows from people, like sunshine or good thoughts or offers of help rising naturally from a loving spirit. I'm grateful for these days when that glow is so easy to see. :) k

Sending a Smile

In keeping with that last post, I thought I'd send along my favorite God cartoon, courtesy of The Far Side: :) k

Lightening Up

I'm saying a quick prayer for all of us who get stuck in stress mode, who tend to take things a wee bit too seriously, who *work* at our faith and *work* at our relationships and *work* on ourselves. Sometimes I totally forget about one of the most wonderful acts of worship: Laughing. Laughing and loving means relaxing and opening up (and sharing) what God gives me in this moment. It shows God--without me *working* at it--that I trust him. It reminds me that nothing is that critical and helps me remember what I know--that God is unfolding things gracefully, that I am right where I need to be right now, and that I am fully enjoying being alive in this moment. And that, I think, is perhaps the best way to say Thank You. Let yourself laugh today! It feels good. And I think it's music to God's ears. :) k