Wednesday, January 15, 2003

With Me or Not

Last night I somehow dropped off to sleep worrying about three wonderful-but-huge projects I have this month. This morning I woke up in a panic before first light, feeling overwhelmed and incapable of meeting all these looming deadlines. Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up and pulled all the covers up over my head, thinking over and over again, "God is my resource...God is my resource..."

What I'm struggling with today is my perception of my own limitations and, at a very basic level, a question of whether I really believe God's promise that He is always with me, that the battle is His, that He is the vine and I am the branch. If I am struggling with the thought of "my limited resources" of time, money, energy, whatever--isn't that the same thing as declaring that I'm in this alone and relying on my own strength? Do I believe God powers me or not? Is it Him at work in me and through me, every minute--or is He here one minute and gone the next? That's not the God I know...and I think I'm being led to a new place where I will understand and live from the very base of my beliefs. He has brought abundant work. I am thankful. He equips us for the jobs He has for us. He tells us to look to Him for strength and direction and let the battle be His. Can I apply this to all levels of my life and believe the best about myself--because He works in me?

I'm reminded of a quote I read a while back: "When you find that you're running out of time, pray twice as much as you normally would." It might not seem logical, but our spirits know that the most important moments of any day are the ones in which we can reconnect with our Source. And that can happen in a split second, whenever we choose it to be so. A good reminder. Blessings on your day! :) -k

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