Monday, May 05, 2003

Being Poured Out

I begin each morning by "leaning on God's windowsill" awhile, spending time in the breakfast room, watching the sunlight touch and awaken the houses on the other side of the lake. I read from my favorite devotional books, I write in my journal, I think and pray. Yesterday morning I felt such a yearning to be doing more, and doing it more directly, for God. As I was praying about it, a sudden, clear thought emerged in the middle of my outwardly bound words: "Who is this 'I'?" And I was instantly made aware that I was telling God what I wanted Him to do. I wanted Him to provide the outlet for me to write more about Him; I wanted Him to bring the channels and outlets for sharing with more people; I wanted Him to let me know--in an unmistakable way--that I was doing what He wanted me to do...

Katherine, who is this 'I'?

I quickly felt a ripple of embarrassment, and then I began to pray--instantly, unintentionally--the words and thoughts just poured out without my looking for or forming them. It was odd and wonderful. One by one, people sprang to my heart and I lifted them up and into the light of God. I felt led to pray for some people I didn't even know as well as those I did. I felt a great love for each person as I prayed. For Kristy, who needs clarity in her career; for Andrew, who needs healing in his marriage. I don't know these people, and yet they sprang to mind and I prayed for them with all my might and let the prayers fly to God. I know it may sound strange, but that's what happened. I decided not to question it and simply lift whoever God put on my heart up to Him to do what He knows is best.

Perhaps that was the answer to my prayer...perhaps God was using me the way He saw fit and letting me know in an unmistakable way that it came from Him. I'm not sure. But I do know that I felt, for a brief moment, what it was like to be poured out for let the well-defined and protected 'I' go and let my spirit relax and float along in the love of God. I cannot tell you that I understand these moments; only that I felt very blessed and felt that God was very close. So many small and miraculous gifts He gives us each day! May yours sparkle brightly for you today and draw you closer to Him. :)

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