Thursday, September 04, 2003

Really and Truly

I've started taking classes at Earlham School of Religion and my mind is jumping for joy with all the new ideas, connections, associations, and possibilities it is discovering. What a gift to be able to explore God in this way, in a community of faith, at this stage in my life! I've been devouring the reading, reflecting on it and turning it over in my mind, posting my thoughts and discussing with others the new ideas this is opening up. It's fabulous, and I'm thankful. :)

But this morning, before my eyes opened, I heard myself thinking about a fellow classmate's posting in our online course. My brain spun around and around the issue, tapping at it, toying with it, trying it on for size. About 12 inches south, my heart sighed. "The brain's getting all the attention," it complained. "What about me?"

I realized very quickly after waking that all this study about God is going to ultimately be a good thing only if I enjoy it with God. I missed the quiet, the calm sense of One, the deep breathing in of Spirit that I traditionally allow for in the early morning hours. My brain was so excited that it jumped right into the day and began processing and associating from the first minute of consciousness. My heart, my spirit, understands the brain's excitement, but needs to be the listening power. I realized that what I needed, really and truly, was a bit of together time with God.

So I sat. I didn't read. I closed my textbooks. I withdrew my eager energies from solving online puzzles. I just sat, and looked at the lake, and waited for the ducks to wake up. And slowly, I became aware of God's presence again--in the crickets' song, in the sunlight dancing on my hands, in the movement of the leaves. I felt the peace spread and my brain relaxed and I just settled in to wait, soaking up that remembering. Ah. That's what I needed. Really and truly.

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