Joy

There are those moments in life that are fully rounded, perfect, joyful. This weekend I experienced many of those moments as we watched Christopher graduate from high school. The whole family came together--we laughed, we hugged, we told stories, we relaxed. Thank you SO MUCH, God! :)

Love Means Both/And

Every so often when I'm working in the late afternoon, I turn on the television and listen to Oprah as I work. Yesterday was one of those days. In recent months, Oprah has added an amazing woman, known as Dr. Robin, to her shows that deal with emotional issues, patterns, problems. This woman is a real truth-teller; she's compassionate but doesn't pad anything. She inspires courage in others. She calls people to better care of themselves because they deserve it--not because they've been bad or wrong or incomplete. In my opinion, she's really got it together and serves people lovingly and truthfully.

Yesterday she asked a man on the stage to consider where he first witnessed or experienced the kind of destructive pattern he was now creating in his family life. She said, "A wound like this can only come from early childhood--where did you first see someone treating others this way?" The man at first said, "I don't know--my parents were perfect, the best..." but as Dr. Robin continued to ask the question, he began to cry. He said, "I love my dad, but he did't respect my mom--I love you, Dad--he never listened to anyone, not ever." Dr. Robin said, "He didn't listen to you," and he responded, "He didn't listen to anyone."

Dr. Robin said this was a very deep and important issue--we need to be able to hold those two realities--"I love you and you hurt me"--in the same space. Our tendency is to group people into "good" or "bad" groups. When they do things that affirm, uplift, reassure, or accept us, we think they are "good" and we love them. When they do things that tear us down, reject us, hurt us, or judge us, we think they are "bad" (or worse, that we are the bad ones and deserve it), and we believe we should stay away from them and not love them. So it becomes hard to us to be honest when we are hurt by the people that we have to love for our own sense of identity; we will deny the hurt, put it away, blind ourselves to it--and then later in our lives, unknowingly recreate it so it can be welcomed out and healed. Maybe this is where the whole "us and them" game comes from in life. This may be the root of the conflicts we have in our workplaces, our congregations, our marriages.

This morning in my reflection time, I was thinking about how important it is to be able to speak the truth and say, "I love you and you hurt me. I was hurt by your words, your example, your messages--and I love you and know you were doing the best you could at the time." Telling the truth is the first step. Loving anyway is the second.

Maybe that's what Jesus was getting at when he wept over Jerusalem and when he said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He still loved--and loves--us, even now.

Bouncing Back

Last night we had one of the first torrential rains of the season. By that I mean the raindrops were big, pounding, relentless. Some areas of the state received up to 3 inches of rain in just a few hours. The rain fell for the first time on the heads of my poor petunias, geraniums, zinnias. I noticed when I opened the curtains early this morning that the sand cherry bush had a serious droop--she looked like she'd been beaten down through the night by the driving rain. The instant after I noticed her sad look, though, I envisioned the bush springing back, tall, growing, blossoming. It's really a beautiful bush, and a little rain isn't going to change that.

I thought about experiences we have in our lives when we're beaten down by relentless rain, negativity, "bad luck," unhappy circumstances. Our leaves droop; our flowers fall off. Our smiles are gone. We may feel down and out for a little while; but after the rain stops, our leaves will begin to perk back up; the life will flow through our veins; we'll lift our heads. Over time, we may even see that we came back stronger than ever, fnding that the flooding nourished our roots in a way a surface watering couldn't.

Wherever you are today, whether there's rain or sunshine in your life, know that there's a strength inherent in you that is eternal and divine. We always bounce back--not because of anything we do, but because it's the nature of God's hope.

An Alive Stillness

Last night I decided to sleep with the windows and the blinds open because for the first time this season I could hear crickets chirping, and the moonlight on the tree outside my window was lighting up the leaves and windowsill in such a beautiful way. Sometime in the middle of the night, I was startled awake by a sound. An owl was calling out in the woods right behind our house. Twice, three times. An eerie, other-worldly sound. A few minutes later, I heard a plop! which sounded like it happened right beside my head. It was the frog in the pond right outside my window.

When I opened my eyes at 6:00am, my ears were already full of the sounds of the morning. Songbirds--many songbirds--were already greeting the day. A woodpecker knocked on a tree not far away. The frog was making that low chiiiii--rup sound. I sat up and stretched, and thought about the difference between silence--the lack or sound--and stillness, a sense of harmony that occurs in listening, waiting, participating in the moment.

It's interesting to me how all these joyful, life-filled sounds arise and return to stillness. It's the underlying harmony of all things. Stillness is not lack of sound but the full potential of all sound. Our spirits rise and rest in stillness. Our love radiates from stillness. Our laughter erupts from stillness. And our prayers spread and smooth and expand the stillness, rippling it calmly outward in an embrace for the entire world.

Blessings on your day!

Releasing Others

Have you ever had a hurt that keeps bubbling up in your thoughts over and over again? Months after I thought I was done with a painful situation, I found myself still trying to figure it out, get my mind around it, decipher what had happened and understand once and for all how the other person could have acted that way. I realized (maybe because I'm rereading The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle) that I was wasting time and energy trying to resolve something that isn't even here, isn't real, isn't happening now--it was over and done with months ago. Why was I spending so many of my present moments stuck on that past event?

As soon as I realized I was spending my time, energy, and focus on something that doesn't exist (and keeping myself stuck in the past at the same time), I also saw that when I focus on the past hurt that way, I am freezing the other person there as well. I am believing them to be that person who hurt me, and while I keep them stuck there, I am not forgiving them. So playing that mental videotape of what they did wrong, how insensitive they were, or how they hurt me only continues to keep us both stuck--and here's the most important point: it's not real. God would have us both be free!

This was a huge insight for me. Immediately I prayed, "In the name of Christ, who is all freedom and joy, I release you, _____, from the image construction I held of you in my mind. I give you absolute freedom. Blessed be!"

I felt such a huge sense of relief and release after praying this that I wanted to share it with you. If you are feeling stuck or keep reliving past moments that hurt you, ask yourself (and your spirit, and God) who it's time to release. Then go out into the sunshine, and enJOY your day! I know I will. :)

[Thank you, God!] :)

Radical Self-Acceptance

I've been doing a lot of healing over the last eight or nine months, working through old beliefs and messages that shape my thinking and my experience in the world. I feel that's part of God's work, helping us dissolve whatever holds us back from radiating more and more light. And I've come to believe that none of the blocks are really outside me--any obstacles I experience have to do with something in my thought system that is ready to be recognized and brought to truth.

Because I'm aware that I've been changing and getting clearer, I was surprised to find that I spent this weekend chained in the basement of "not good enough." I am behind on several writing projects (I'm writing two books at once for Microsoft right now and the deadlines overlap); I am not working as fast or as intensely as I usually do; I am not driving myself with the same unbending discipline that used to keep me up working until 2 or 3am. In other words, the thought, "What's wrong with me?!" was rattling around in my head almost all weekend. And like anything else in life, when you ask the question, you get the answer. So I was receiving a steady stream of negative thoughts that told me exactly what was wrong with me--and none of it was kind, compassionate, or understanding.

I realized finally late last night, after suffering and beating myself up all weekend (while I tried to work--which was double agony), that this situation of being behind on my deadlines was kicking up all the places where I wasn't yet able to be loving with myself. Does my good care of myself depend on me getting my chapter done on the exact day I promised? Does meeting a deadline make me a good person? Of course not. I know all these things--and I thought I'd worked through them. But here again I found myself living out old beliefs--unconsciously hurting myself and pushing myself and chastizing myself, trying to drive myself into that place where I would feel I was "good enough."

What a blessing to witness this attitude in myself! It is old thinking; untrue beliefs; attitudes that don't fit me anymore. I already know that, but like the smell of last night's dinner still lingering in the kitchen, the effects of that thinking still echo around inside me sometimes (usually when I'm under pressure). Recognizing the echos, I can throw open the windows and let the old beliefs out. They don't live here anymore. They aren't part of my new life of radical self-acceptance. The God I know and follow is about mercy, compassion, true love, and forgiveness--not control, judgment, criticism, and continually raising the bar so I have to jump ever higher in hopes of somehow earning that ellusive "unconditional love."

So I'm starting the week released from the prison of self-judgment. That's worth at least one Hallelujah, don't you think?

Present Perfection

Last night we went to hear a band concert at Christopher's school. A variety of different ensembles played the pieces they performed at the state band competition two weekends ago. Some groups--and some players within those groups--seemed more "on" than others. I sat in the darkened auditorium, enjoying the music and the kids, caught up in the swells and patterns (and sometimes squeaks) in the music filling the space.

Suddenly I had an image of the music in my mind, and I thought about all the groups through the years that had played this piece by Grainger, or Bach, or Sousa. These musicians were looking at notes on a page--the same notes dozens (if not hundreds) of ensembles had played before them. Some of those musicians had good days; some not so good; but the music was a constant, always finished, always perfect, always the base of possibility.

I thought how much like that the laws of God operate in our lives. We have the notes--we know it's possible. Creation exists; truth exists; love exists; perfection exists. How open are we to that completeness flowing through us? Some days we are fine instruments, completely in tune, present and willing for the Spirit of God to flow through us. Other days we are worried, or tense; our valves need oiling or our reed is worn out. We are fatigued and fearful. The Spirit through us may sound squeaky or small or miss a few notes (or make an entrance at the wrong time); but the essence of being--the music on the page--is always perfect, always complete, always eagerly awaiting the next musician's loving focus and willing heart.

May we each have a sense of God's perfection within us today, as we yet again sing another day to God. :)

Prayer Chain

I received this wonderful poem by Tim Nolan in this morning's Writer's Almanac and wanted to share it with you. Keep those prayers going! :)

Prayer Chain

My mother called to tell me
about an old classmate of mine who

was dying on the parish prayer chain—
or was very sick—or destitute—

or it had not worked out—the marriage—
or the kids were all on drugs—and

all the old mothers were praying intensely
for all the pain of their children

and for life—they were praying for life—
in their quiet rooms—sipping decaf coffee—

I bet they've been praying for me at times—
so I'll find my way—so I won't rob a bank—

I'll take them—the mystical prayers of old mothers—
it matters—all this patient and purposeful love.

Enjoy your day! :) k

In Harmony with All

I think there's a bullfrog living somewhere in the woods behind my house. Or maybe he's closer, up by the fish pond outside the sunroom window. But wherever he lives, about 5:00 am the last two mornings, I hear a low, burpy sound "brrrrrrrrrrrr--upt!" repeated twice, three times. Then silence. It's as though he's warming up for the beginning of the summer season, when the females will be within hearing distance and he can show off his vocal chords for all they're worth.

Our natural voices are funny things. We all sound so different--we have different squeaks and laughs, our singing voices run a range from the highest high to the lowest low. We sneeze, we giggle, we exclaim (my mother's made-up expletive used to be "Oh, Piffle!"), we (sometimes) snore. We make all kinds of sounds to let each other (and ourselves, and God, perhaps) know we're here, we alive, we're participating in life, we're making noise.

I wonder whether God hears all this as a kind of wondrous, joyful harmony--all his babies creating something good, moving energy (that's all a sound wave is, after all), enjoying this garden he designed. The bullfrog doesn't hide his voice or worry about other animals sleeping (not even me!). He just assumes there's a place for what he does and he sings what comes naturally.

It seems to me this morning that we could learn a lesson from the bullfrog--trying out our voices, getting ready for the season. God gave us something to sing and something to sing about! Whether your sound is a snort or a giggle, a whisper or a shout, remember God with your vocal chords today. I imagine God thoroughly enjoying the great symphony all his creation sings to him moment by moment. And don't think that with all this hubbub, your voice won't be missed, because it will--until you sing your part, the rest of us won't sound complete. :)

First Thoughts

I ran across this wonderful quote this morning in a newsletter I receive from the SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators):

"First thoughts have
tremendous energy.
The internal censor
usually squelches them,
so we live in the realm
of second and third thoughts,
thoughts on thought,
twice and three times
removed from the
direct connection of
the first fresh flash."
~ Natalie Goldberg

Isn't that interesting? It makes me wonder whether we'll be able to hear any of our own First Thoughts today--you know, the ones we share with God. Let's listen together, okay? :)

Time is on God's Side

If you're a child of the 60s or 70s, you'll get a kick out of this reflection. This morning, for some unknown reason, the song, "Time Is On My Side," (by the Rolling Stones) was playing in my head over and over. (At the time, I didn't remember who sang it, but it was playing loud and clear.) As I exercised, as I made coffee, I kept hearing this song. I wrote the phrase in my journal during my meditation and prayer time. When I came up to my office to begin work for the day, I decided to Google the lyrics to find out who wrote the song and discover what the rest of it said.

I thought maybe I was picking up a "time vibe" because I am feeling pressured in my work to catch up with several writing deadlines that are running on ahead of me. :) But as I read the lyrics (which you can read by clicking here), it occurred to me that this is the song God is continually singing to us! Time is on God's side. We can claim our freedom, go off seeking our heart's desires, but eventually, we'll come

running back

running back

running back

to God! Why? Because God's got that "real love--the kind you need, baby." What a fun way to start the day! Who knew Mick Jagger was a prophet? :)

Let There Be...

I read a quote from a woman writer somewhere once (and it's in my journal but I'm not sure where) that said, "Whenever you say, 'Let there be...,' something happens." This morning that idea is floating around in my mind and heart. The power of creation is something I believe God shares with us--as the Ultimate Creative Being, God has given us a share in that amazing ability to create what we choose with our days, our thoughts, our lives.

Sure, we can argue that something "out there" resists or rejects what we create. But maybe we create that too, by envisioning the resistance to begin with.

If you had total power to create something that was important to you today, how would you use that power? Imagine that nothing can hold you back; no one will laugh or criticize you. Your gift will be totally accepted, gladly received, and unreservedly successful. What will you create?

Here are a few possibilities that pop into my head:

"Let there be peace."

"Let there be love."

"Let there be abundance."

"Let there be health."

"Let there be passion."

"Let there be JOY!!!."

What do you want to create today? Roll the rock away and let it out. The world is waiting. :)

Energy & Light

I awoke this morning with more than the usual energy. Elliot the kitten (he's the one on the right in the photo) was purring and pushing at my head, trying to do anything he could to wake me up so I would pet him. This is a fairly regular occurrence lately; I think he realizes sometime close to sunrise that he is just dying to be petted. He's gone so long--all night!--without someone telling him how wonderful he is. :)

Some mornings this really gets old. I gently push him away, or hide under the covers, or just hide my hands under the comforter so he won't keep trying to make me pet him. Eventually he gives up and goes away for a little while. He's an interactive alarm clock with a loud, purring motor.

But this morning Elliot's antics struck me as funny. Maybe I was just ready to get up, but I gave in and cuddled him and scratched his head. He was so appreciative. I got up, got dressed, and took the dogs out, feeling cheerful. Not dragging; not wishing the day could start a little slower; not wondering about how much I can get done today and how in the world that could possibly be enough.

I'm not sure why some days have one kind of energy and other days have another. It might be my diet the night before; it might be my dreams; it might be angels that visit me through the night--I don't know. But I know when the energy is high, when I feel humor and compassion and a sense of gratitude for the day, I feel that I'm in tune with God; and when I drag and grumble and feel too small to face the responsibilities before me, I am somehow out of sync and feeling like a separate little me and forgetting my source.

I don't know why I wake up one day feeling connected and another day feeling not. But I'm grateful for today! And I'm noticing, God. Thanks for the energy and light, and for being always the source that shines throughout my life (whether I'm feeling it or not).

Sharing Our Soul's Stories

Emma Curtis Hopkins says, "The soul doesn't need saving; it needs to be made visible." This really resonates with me because I've discovered that as I grow into self-acceptance, all those places where I judged myself before have become filled with life and energy--they are now a source of healing and joy; a miraculous resource I missed when I was unwilling to explore them!

Sharing our stories helps our soul become visible. We learn to meet ourselves with compassion and welcome back all the pieces we've missed, forgotten, or rejected along the way. I have written a book with my co-author Mike Torres about a program that makes it easy--and free!--for people to begin sharing their stories, their experiences, and their lives with each other. If you've been thinking about blogging but haven't given it a try, come visit our MSN Bookspace and read excerpts of our book. You can use it to begin to express those places in your soul that haven't been welcomed out in a while. They need love too, you know. :)

[No worries about privacy issues--with MSN Spaces you can set up your space to be completely private so no one else--or only the people you specify--can read or see what you post on your space.]

If you aren't sure how you can use blogging (or our book) to tell your stories, drop me a note. I'm a good blog coach! :)

Themes of Temptation

This morning I find myself thinking about the story of Jesus being tempted in the desert during that 40-day vigil. It's interesting to me that he was tempted three different ways--to use the power God gave him to sustain himself ("tell these stones to become bread"); to save himself ("throw yourself down"); or to choose what (or whom) to worship. The key here, it seems to me, is to not be fooled into thinking that our care and protection comes from anything or anyone except God. We may think our own efforts in our career are guaranteeing our success (which brings food for our table and shelter from the cold), but who provides the talent, creativity, opportunity that opens the way for our work? Sometimes I get so caught up in working so hard that I get stressed and fearful when I fall behind. When that happens (like earlier this week!), I have to ask myself--what am I afraid of? Who sustains me, protects me, cares for me? When I realize that my work, my health, my support comes from God alone, I begin to relax and return to my work with less force and fear. I work with focus and integrity. I enjoy what I do. And I thank the One who brings all good things into my life for bringing my mind back to the place of peace and green pastures.

Happy Friday, everyone!

What's the truest thing you know?

What truth is rattling around inside you this morning? Maybe it's something like "It's a beautiful morning." No matter what truth we claim, we can see God in it by looking a little closer: (1) We feel Joy when we encounter beauty. (2) Beauty is a gift given freely to us--we do not earn it (like Grace).

See? There's God, right there. Not even two steps away. I love that. :)

Whatever is true for you today--whether you enjoy a smile, or a sweet moment of peace, or a warm hug, or anticipating a fun evening--say it out loud and give God a wave at the same time. Because if you're enjoying something, God's there. He's in the JOY part. :)

Me, Myself & I: Prodigals All

I'm not sure what started me thinking about this, but the theme of the Prodigal Son has been surfacing in my life a lot lately. Instead of thinking of the prodigal as different people in a story, however, I've been thinking about it as different aspects of myself. I have a "good son" part of me that always tries to do everything right--that feeds the cows and does what's good and true. And I also have an "adventurous and carefree" self that sometimes wants to go off and climb mountains and wander through rainforests. There's a part of me that is really good at creating fantasy (especially when I'm hurt or scared) and there's a part of me that is firmly plugged into reality and knows what it means to have deep roots of faith. I'm rational and irrational; I'm logical and emotional; I'm body and spirit.

But the aspects of myself that I call "good" are much more welcome in my world than the parts that don't do things "right." My prodigal self needs to be able to come home hungry, having tried the wrong road and found it wanting, and find the true, warm, embracing love of a forgiving, understanding self that is eager to welcome those messy aspects back into the fullness of life. But all too often I think I behave like the jealous "good" brother in the story, wanting to tell the prodigal self that it didn't earn it's happiness; it doesn't deserve a break; it didn't do the right thing when push came to shove.

I'm so glad that Jesus told that story. He was talking about grace, mercy, forgiveness. He was talking about what matters--life, all of it--good, bad, messy, wonderful, upside-down, inside-out life. What matters is wholeness, not hiding, truth. When we can welcome those hidden or distanced (or rejected) parts of ourselves back into the family, simply because they exist, we will find what it means--in that very moment--to live Heaven on Earth.

Remarkable Recovery

This morning I read an amazing article written by doctor and breast cancer survivor Mandi Caruso in Spirituality & Health magazine (February 2006). WOW. Talk about inspiring. This woman's story is remarkable, and her own sense of healthy personal power just pours off the page as you read. If you've never read an issue of Spirituality & Health before, now's the time to try it. The article is called "Alive with Passion." Here's the web site.Enjoy and be inspired!

Living Faith

This is a quote from an amazing book by Iyanla VanZant, entitled "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up." I find her writing powerful and full of truth--it affirms much of what I've been learning in my present life circumstances. I hope it blesses you, too!

You are faith in the flesh. God has so much faith in you that you were entrusted with the gift of life and a unique mission to fulfill. Did you ever stop to think that you could have been a fruit tree. You could have berries or flowers sticking out of your ears! Instead you were given the right to make conscious choices, the ability to create through thought and deed, and dominion over every other creature. That is a demonstration of the faith the Divine has in your abilities and capabilities. Your task is to return faith with faith. You must live with the knowledge that everything you need, at any time you need it is being provided. Not will be provided. Is being provided! This is how we can each become an example of living faith: by knowing that your good is on the way. In every undertaking you must live with faith in the power of your thoughts, the efficacy of your words, and the purposefulness of your actions. When you are challenged by seemingly insurmountable obstacles, you must live with faith that the truth of your affirmations, your positive words, will manifest as tangible conditions. When you set a goal, you must proceed with living faith that there is a divine plan unfolding in your life and as your life, and that if the plan is supported by knowledge of spiritual laws, the benefits will be divine. This is how we must direct our thoughts and actions in order to become living faith."

Isn't she amazing? I love it that although Iyanla writes about the power of our thoughts, words, and deeds, she roots that idea in love of God and the desire to manifest God's highest good in our beautiful lives. God is truly at the center of her message as a powerful, empowering, animating, creative force.

Thanks, Iyanla, for sharing your learning, your wisdom, and your voice. :)

Meeting the Day as It Is

When I awoke this morning, later than usual, I stretched and felt that wonderful sense of a full day ahead of me with no particular plans. By mid-morning, however, I had devised a mental list. Finish a bid for a new project for one client. Write the draft of the newsletter for another client. Go to Lowes to buy a ladder. Get to the grocery to get what we need for the week.

No sooner had I finished my mental list than Cameron came up and added his own ideas about what the day should be. He wanted not just Joe but also Justin to spend the night. (Add to the grocery list.) He wanted to stop at Blockbuster to rent a game and/or movie for the sleepover. (Add another stop to the errand list.) Then Christopher came home. He wanted to know when he could paint his new bedroom. (Add to the Lowes list--get paint chips and samples.)

The day continued on this way, changing and branching and flowering. On the way to Lowes we drove through a sudden--and breathtakingly beautiful--snow torrent. On the way home, we drove through snow-covered trees looking up at a creamy almost-full moon. We were late getting back from Lowes, so I made oven-fried chicken instead of chicken parmesan. On a whim I called Kelly and Tony to see whether they wanted to come over for dessert. The night ended (just a few minutes ago), with all of us crashed on the couch and chairs in the family room, watching South Park (not my first choice, but since the average age in the room was 24, I acquiesed to the majority).

The day now, in hindsight, barely resembled the free, quiet, open day I envisioned as I stretched in bed this morning. But you know what? It was richer. It was more work. It had more laughter, and more cuddling. The real day I had, I now know, was much more full of life than the controllable day I thought I was going to have. Unpredictability means blessings in all kinds of packages. I'll remember that tomorrow when I wake up.

Thanks for the day, God, whatever it brings. I know you place a blessing in every moment. :)